you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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