i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
