If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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