just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
