just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You're so nebulous sometimes
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
