Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
