Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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