I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
