i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
