I hate all girls vehemently.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
