You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
