I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I party with great urgency now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
