Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
