Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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