Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
