I want to have your abortion
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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