'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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