I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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