please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
