ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
