The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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