Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
