420 ftw
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
