Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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