I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We are all done wearing pants today
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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