You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
