and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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