My balls are so social today.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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