if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
