girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
