He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
