i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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