She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ketchup is God's man juice
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
