so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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