white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
