take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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