yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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