Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
