I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
