I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
