I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
