Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
