she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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