You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
