Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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