so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
