Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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