I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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