Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
