if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
