I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
