Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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