so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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