I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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