im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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