i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize