her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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