You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
