awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
