Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think pants incapable of making pants work
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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