Yo dont text me then not text me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think my moral compass just broke
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
