Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
