Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
