Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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