Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
