Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
