Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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