so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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